How to choose your Best Man

Who will stand with you on one of the most significant days of your life? The role of the Best Man is steeped in tradition, serving as the groom’s chief confidante and right-hand man during the wedding.

More than just a figure beside the groom, the Best Man ensures that the bridegroom hits his marks and manages the groomsmen.

He also handles numerous duties, allowing the couple to fully enjoy their special day.

His role is pivotal. From calming nerves to solving last-minute emergencies, he supports not only the groom but often the entire wedding party.

Choosing the right Best Man is about finding someone who is reliable, capable, and trusted to set the tone for both the ceremony and the celebration that follows. In this article, we will explore what qualities to look for and how to decide who should take on this essential role.

Understanding the Role of the Best Man

Choosing a Best Man is a significant decision in any wedding planning process. Before making this choice, it’s essential to fully understand what the role entails. Responsibilities can be grouped into pre-wedding, wedding day, and post-wedding categories, and some of these duties can be shared with other groomsmen or wedding party members, depending on the couple’s preferences.

Pre-Wedding Responsibilities

Organising the Bachelor Party: Planning a memorable party that reflects the groom’s interests, coordinating the location, activities, and budget to ensure a fun celebration.
Helping with Wedding Preparations: Supporting the groom in various planning tasks, such as attending vendor meetings and coordinating the groomsmen’s attire.
Providing Emotional Support: Offering counsel and comfort to the groom, helping ease any pre-wedding jitters.

Wedding Day Responsibilities

Coordinating the Groomsmen: Ensuring all groomsmen are punctual, know their responsibilities, and are dressed appropriately.
Overseeing Ceremony Essentials: Holding the rings, signing the marriage license, and facilitating the smooth execution of the ceremony.
Tackling Last-Minute Challenges: Acting as a point of contact for vendors and solving unforeseen issues to ensure the wedding day runs seamlessly.
Speaking at the Reception: Delivering a speech that balances humor with sentiment, celebrating the couple’s journey and entertaining the audience.
Ensuring Guest Involvement: Mingling with guests and facilitating key reception events to maintain a festive atmosphere.

Post-Wedding Responsibilities

Wrapping Up Duties: Assisting with post-wedding tasks like returning rented attire and managing gift transportation.
Continued Friendship and Support: Remaining a supportive presence beyond the wedding, helping the couple navigate the early days of married life.

Qualities of an Ideal Best Man

Selecting the right person for the role of Best Man is an important decision that goes beyond just choosing your closest friend or relative. It requires considering a set of specific qualities that will ensure the chosen individual can effectively support you and enhance your wedding experience.

Here are some essential qualities and attributes to look for when choosing your Best Man:

Reliability and Responsibility: The cornerstone of a great Best Man is reliability. This role demands a high level of dependability for managing significant responsibilities across all phases of the wedding—from the bachelor party to last-minute emergencies. You need someone who will take his duties seriously, ensuring that all tasks are completed promptly and efficiently, reducing stress for the groom.
Organisational Skills and Attention to Detail: A Best Man must be adept at managing schedules, coordinating with various people, and keeping track of multiple tasks simultaneously. His ability to juggle different elements and pay attention to the minutiae can significantly affect the smooth running of wedding activities.
Public Speaking Ability: The Best Man is often expected to deliver a speech at the reception. This moment can be a highlight, requiring the ability to convey heartfelt sentiments, share memorable stories, and celebrate the couple’s future. Public speaking skills are indispensable for engaging the audience and expressing thoughts clearly and eloquently.
Close Relationship with the Groom: The emotional support a Best Man offers is crucial. He should be someone who knows the groom well and understands his needs and emotions. This close relationship allows for personalised support and ensures that the Best Man’s speech and actions are genuinely invested in the groom’s happiness.
Adaptability and Problem-Solving Skills: The Best Man should be capable of adapting to changes and solving problems that arise unexpectedly. This flexibility ensures that any issues can be handled discreetly and efficiently without impacting the celebration.
Emotional Intelligence: It is essential for the Best Man to have high emotional intelligence to effectively support the groom and manage interactions with family and friends during emotionally charged moments.
Rapport with the Wedding Party: Having a good rapport with other members of the wedding party is vital. This enables the Best Man to coordinate activities smoothly and foster a spirit of cooperation and enjoyment among all participants.

These qualities combine to create a Best Man who can not only fulfill his duties but also enhance the overall wedding experience, ensuring it is as memorable and stress-free as possible.

Who to Consider

Making the right choice for your Best Man involves more than just picking your closest friend or a favored relative. It requires a thoughtful assessment of the candidate’s personality, capabilities, and your personal relationship with them. Understanding these factors is crucial as the Best Man’s role is pivotal not only during the wedding but also in the experiences leading up to and following this special day.

Considerations for Choosing Your Best Man:

Historical Connection: How long have you known this person? Long-term friends or family members often have a deep understanding of your personality and needs, which can be invaluable during stressful moments. However, ensure they can balance this personal insight with the necessary formal responsibilities.
Emotional Bond: The strength of your emotional connection can determine how supportive and understanding your Best Man will be. It’s important to choose someone who knows you well and can effectively handle the emotional responsibilities that come with the role.
Family Members: Choosing a family member can add a layer of significance to your wedding, reinforcing family bonds. Be mindful of family dynamics, ensuring that they contribute positively rather than adding complexity to the role.
Friends: A friend from a different part of your life, like college or childhood, can bring a fresh perspective and energy. Assess the current dynamics of your friendship to confirm it’s as strong and reliable as needed for such a pivotal role.
Reliability: Evaluate whether this person has been dependable throughout your relationship. Your Best Man should be someone you can count on, who has consistently been there when it matters most.
Organisational Skills: Does this candidate have the organisational skills to manage Best Man duties effectively? Their ability to organise and manage details is crucial from coordinating the bachelor party to supporting you throughout the wedding planning process.
Public Speaking: Your Best Man will likely need to give a toast or speech. Consider if your potential choice is comfortable with public speaking and can express his thoughts clearly and warmly in front of an audience.
Conflict Resolution: Weddings can be high-pressure environments with potential for misunderstandings or disputes. Assess if your potential Best Man can handle these situations diplomatically.
Influence on the Wedding: Consider how this person will fit into the overall atmosphere and dynamics of your wedding day. They should get along well with other key members and be a unifying presence.
Post-Wedding Relationship: Think about the long-term impact of this choice. Choosing someone who will continue to be a significant part of your life in the years to come can be beneficial.

Setting Expectations

Before someone agrees to take on the role of Best Man, it’s crucial they fully understand what it entails. Clear communication about the responsibilities and requirements helps potential candidates decide whether they can commit to the role and ensures they are prepared for the tasks ahead.

Responsibilities: Begin by detailing what being a Best Man involves. It’s important to discuss not just the honour of the role but also the duties that come with it. He will need to organize the bachelor party, attend fittings, possibly join meetings with vendors, safeguard the rings during the wedding, manage the groomsmen, ensure the groom arrives on time, deliver a speech at the reception, and handle any post-event tasks such as dealing with vendors or managing wedding gifts.
Events They Need to Attend: The potential Best Man should be aware of all the events his role typically requires him to attend. This includes the engagement party, the bachelor party (which he will also be planning and attending), and the rehearsal dinner, where his attendance will be crucial to go over last-minute details.
Financial Obligations: Discuss any financial commitments associated with the role. Be upfront about what he will need to wear and who will be paying for it. Discuss expectations regarding expenses, especially if your wedding involves travel or if the attire is specific and costly.
Level of Involvement: Clearly explain how involved you expect the Best Man to be. This varies; some grooms want their Best Man deeply involved in the planning process, while others may only require minimal involvement. He should understand the time commitment and flexibility required, particularly if unexpected needs arise.
Open Communication: Emphasise the importance of open dialogue throughout the planning process. This helps ensure that both you and the Best Man can address any concerns and adjust responsibilities as needed. Encourage him to ask questions and express any concerns, reinforcing that his comfort and ability to fulfil the role are important to you.

Setting clear expectations not only helps potential Best Men decide if they can commit to the role but also sets the stage for a successful and stress-free collaboration throughout your wedding planning journey.

The Decision

Take your time with this decision. Remember, choosing a Best Man is about more than adhering to tradition or meeting expectations. It’s about selecting a person who will stand by your side on one of the most significant days of your life, not just as a helper but as a supportive and trustworthy confidant. Consider not only the practical aspects and responsibilities discussed earlier but also the personal connection and emotional support your Best Man will provide.

This choice is as much about the heart as it is about logistics. Ask yourself: “Who brings out the best in me, especially under pressure?” Trust your instincts about who will make your day better, not just smoother. The best choice for Best Man is someone who brings reliability, joy, and peace of mind to your wedding experience. Reflect on your interactions with potential candidates and how they have supported you in the past. This decision should feel right both logically and emotionally.

Be confident in your choice, knowing that the right Best Man will enhance both the joy and the smooth running of your wedding day.

How to Ask Someone to Be Your Best Man

Once you’ve decided who you want by your side, the next step is to ask them.

The best way to ask someone to be your Best Man is face-to-face. This personal approach shows the gravity of your request and honours the significance of the role. If geographical distances or circumstances make a meeting impossible, consider setting up a video call rather than relying on a phone call or text message. The visual connection can make the moment feel more personal and memorable.

Start by expressing your appreciation for your relationship: “I’ve been thinking a lot about our time together, and it’s really made me appreciate how important you are to me.” Share specific reasons that highlight their importance in your life, such as:

Memories of your longstanding friendship or familial bond.
Traits that make them uniquely qualified, like their loyalty, sense of responsibility, or the ability to keep you calm under pressure.
The impact they’ve had on your life and why you can’t imagine your big day without them.

Explaining your reasons will make them feel valued and appreciated, reinforcing why they are your top choice for this important role.

Being a Best Man is an honour, but it also comes with substantial responsibilities. After you’ve made your ask, give your potential Best Man some time to think about it. Let them know that you understand the commitment involved and that it’s okay for them to take some time to consider whether they can fulfil the role.

If you’re asking during a shared activity or in a meaningful location, it can add a special touch to the occasion, creating a memorable experience for both of you. Should they need time or even feel they must decline, be supportive and understanding, maintaining the strength of your relationship.

Showing Appreciation

After the confetti has settled and the last guest has departed, it’s important to take a moment to show your appreciation to your Best Man. His role is often demanding, and acknowledging his effort can significantly strengthen your bond.

Here are some thoughtful ways you could show your gratitude:

Personalised Gifts: Consider giving a personalised gift that reflects his interests or your friendship. This could range from a custom-engraved watch, a framed photo of the two of you at the wedding, to unique items like a special edition of his favourite book or signed sports memorabilia.
Thank You Note: A handwritten thank you note can convey heartfelt appreciation better than anything else. Mention specific instances where his assistance was invaluable, such as a particular moment during the wedding preparations or on the day itself, and share how much his support meant to you.
Celebratory Outing or Private Dinner: Organise a post-wedding outing or a private dinner as a way to unwind and reminisce about the wedding. Choose an activity or setting that you both enjoy to make this time special and personal.
Customised Keepsake: Create a customised keepsake such as an engraved pen, a leather wallet, or a high-quality toolset. It’s a practical yet personal gift that he’ll use regularly, reminding him of your wedding and your gratitude.

These gestures of appreciation not only acknowledge the hard work and dedication of your Best Man but also serve to further cement a lifelong friendship.